Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
