if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
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