OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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