singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
