Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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