well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize