Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
