Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
