I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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