Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
