Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
