Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
