I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
