just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
