she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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