im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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