even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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