Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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