Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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