I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
