and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
