Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
