i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
