so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
