When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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