I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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