Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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