How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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