is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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