dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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