Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
