she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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