It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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