can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize