Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize