you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
no you cant smoke seaweed
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
