tell your sister to shave her snatch
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
