I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
