that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
