Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
