There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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