Porn is love you can see.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
