You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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