weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
