Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
