where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
