They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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