my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
