Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
