They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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