party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
