Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
