So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
