so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
