That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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