someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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