Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Drunk is not a location!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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