So drunk its hurt
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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