Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she told me i tasted like america
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
