He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
