We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
