I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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