it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
