So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
