I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
