My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
