i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
