I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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