better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
