I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
