i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
