whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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