It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
