I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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