remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
