Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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