R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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