well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize