I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My butt remains clenched, sir.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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