I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
