I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
