I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
